Romancing Your Man is Easier Than You Think

By Dr.Carol Drury, PhD, NCC

Men need romancing too, but not necessarily with chocolates. Instead, they need emotional gifts. This may be news to you because they aren’t very good about expressing their needs. Most men would rather have a prostate exam then open up, talk about what pleases him, in fact, most men have never thought about it.
That leaves women trying to guess. From working with my couples, living with a typical male for 31 years, and extensive research
these are the things I have found the most desired. There is one thing that every man I have ever spoken to tells me he needs more of and that is touching! Every man is unique so nudge yours a little harder to find out what makes him feel loved and nurtured (other than the sex).

Create Relationship Rituals
Introduce activities that are unique to you as a couple—a walk after dinner, or a kiss when one of you walks in the door with an “I’m glad your home.”

Pamper Him But Keep it Simple
Guys don’t need much complication. Just buying his favorite cookies and hiding them from the kids is a gesture he’ll love. Next time he is in the shower, throw his towel in the dryer for a minute and get it toasty warm right before he steps out.

Keep the Mystery
It’s important to be yourself, but you do need to keep certain things a mystery. Don’t let him see you tweeze your chin or put the green mask on your face. He may not tell you, but he may think you’re a little less sexy. When you were dating, you would never have let him see you tweezing your chin! Men are visual and so
he would like you to take care of yourself physically—he believes it is a sign of respect
and love towards him.

Thrill Him with the Unexpected
Men thrive on variety (or have shorter attention spans) and unanticipated events
trigger the pleasure center in their brains. If he’s always the first one home from work—come home early one day and surprise him by greeting him at the door. Arrange for someone to take the kids mid week and when he gets home have dinner with just the two of you. If he always plans the date, you should plan the next date and pick up the tab. This will make him feel special and cherished and that
you’re not taking advantage of him. If he always initiates sex, then you begin to initiate
every other or every third time.

Understand the “Guy” Definition of Romance.
Don’t be turned off if his idea of a romantic afternoon is throwing the Frisbee around and having a picnic in the park instead of a fancy dinner. Men and women don’t see romance the same way. Men don’t like long hours of conversation and certainly don’t always think a candlelight dinner is romantic. Readjust the way you perceive romance.

Acknowledge the Little Things He Does
At one time, we would have profusely thanked our man for grabbing bagels and coffee on Sunday morning while you lounged in bed. Now, we barely acknowledge it because partly we expect it. It’s important to thank him for the little things because if you don’t, he might become resentful and stop doing them, if he hasn’t already.

Men need acknowledgment.
Think about it, most men after they have
loaded the dishwasher or folded the laundry will announce it to the world; women never do. They are looking for the acknowledgment. I have always thanked my husband for taking out the trash—for 30 years now, twice a week—I wonder how many times that really is—93,600 “thank yous” just for trash, now there are also the ones for light bulb changing, door knob tightening—well you get the idea!

Here are a few other things men need, and since I don’t have room for them all, please feel free to email me for the entire list!

Men Need You to:
Say “I Love You” at unexpected times; ask for advice about something important, and then to follow it; unexpected gifts—even his favorite
flavor of gum; support his career; treat him as important in your life; respect his quiet zone; understand his interest in sports, news, and
politics is as important to him as your interest in the details of personal lives; listen to him—and in return, he will listen to you; make him feel safe with you in order to open up and be vulnerable—if he feels judged or there are expectations on how he should be, he will stay
closed up; be very detailed in what you need—he does not speak your language;
make him feel welcome when he walks in the door at night—how the first few minutes go will determine the rest of the evening—most men need a few minutes of quiet; cook enjoyable meals for him on a regular basis; flirt with him; allow him alone time; understand his need for sex; tell him what you want sexually; praise his sexuality; show off your body to him; initiate sex; wear sexy items to bed; try new things and get passionate in bed; celebrate his favorite occasions or small triumphs; celebrate his birthday; champion and make him your
hero; be there for him during the defeats and the bad times; brag about him in public; acknowledge what he does, even the little
things, but especially the big things, like going to work and taking care of the family; set aside time for him; a kiss good night—every night!

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About Dr.Carol Drury, PhD, NCC

Dr. Carol Drury graduated from George Washington University with a doctoral degree in Clinical Counseling, and is a Nationally Certified Clinical Counselor. Before opening her private practice in 2005, Dr. Drury worked for the Maryland Division of Rehabilitation
Services for 27 years, first as a Rehabilitation
Counselor and then as a Supervisor in the Tri County area. She was in the first class of trained Divorce and Family Mediators in St. Mary’s County. Dr. Drury has been Adjunct Faculty at George Washington University and Bowie State Univerity and currently serves in that capacity at the College of Southern Maryland. Her interests have always been in the area of improving the quality of all relationships, but specifically in intimate
relationships and uses the Imago Theory of Relationships in her counseling.